on the subject of passing and "colorwashing"

[mimesere]

this is why I don't talk about race, you guys. srsly.

So, I am half middle eastern (persian) and half chamorro (native to Guam).

My mom and my family on my mom's side will *happily* tickybox "white/caucasian" on a form that asks them for it, but if you straight up ask them if they are white, they will say no. Not only no, but *hell* no. This is for many reasons, not the least of which is the part where Middle Eastern, as a *race*, is difficult to categorize and isn't considered separate the way that Black or "Asian" (and I put this in quotes only because there's so much that's covered under Asian that it's uh. kind of a nuts category), but let me tell you, white people? Don't generally consider Middle Easterners to be white.

here's the other thing: I can pass for a lot of things, sometimes Italian (????), most often Latino (which, to be fair, is as much a function of my last name as it is anything else). Most of the time, it's not an issue (no, really). I do not tend to get treated any differently by my peers (though this is because of the people I choose as my peers) and I tend to stick to places where I know being brown is not going to be an issue (survival instinct, ahoy). I do not feel especially comfortable in large groups of primarily white people, but then I did not spend *time* with large groups of white people growing up. At a con, at a concert, in a classroom, in the workplace, I will seek out other people of color because I feel safer with them.

I don't have to make my race a big deal. I choose to do so because it's important to me and because the place where I live makes a lot of assumptions on the basis of my name and my skin tone. I have had to say to people that I am Middle Eastern when the inappropriate jokes come up or when someone asks me why I didn't see 300 and what could I possibly have against Frank whores whores whores with bonus racism! Miller. I don't want to listen to it. The way that I don't want to listen to misogyny or homophobia or anything else. And it's easier to make people shut up with that stuff when they're faced with the fact that I belong to this group, that it's *me* they're insulting.

But the people who can pass and choose to? I don't blame them for that either. I think it's troubling and it doesn't especially make me happy, but there are plenty of people for whom passing is the choice that makes them most comfortable. There are things to be discussed there and, denial of agency or "colorwashing" or whatever, if I know they're a person of color, even if they don't say they are or even if they flat out say they are white, I'm still going to group them in with people of color because they're my people. They're my people who are, uh, REALLY PROBLEMATIC, but they're my people nonetheless. Sort of like gay republicans. Where I am PUZZLED but, you know, I can't...uh. Deny them. I swear that comparison made way more sense in my head than I'm sure it makes when I type it out. I mean, mostly I just feel bad! and want to give them hugs and be like, "it's okay, babies, no one will lynch you because your HUGE BODYGUARD WAS IN THE FSU AND IS TERRIFYING."

And maybe that is totally hypocritical of me, because if other people don't get to decide who is and isn't white, then what gives me the right to decide who is and isn't a person of color (well. other than the part where one of them is half Black. I'm pretty sure that qualifies you as a person of color whether you say you are or not)? The person is still making a choice as to their identity and I should totally be fine with that choice. Except, you know, whatever. Call it colorwashing, I don't even care. I still count them as my people and it makes me feel better to know that they're there.

I uh, also laugh at the people who think Wentworth Miller is white. FYI.

Comments

[mosca.livejournal.com]

I have very little to add here beyond noting that I love your posts on race because they are smart, and because they nicely balance toughness and generosity. You're making me think complicated thoughts about the odd social role of people who, like you, are clearly/probably nonwhite but the kind of nonwhite is unclear. And people who appear to be one kind of nonwhite but are actually another (i.e. my former neighbor who is Latino but looks black and gets treated as such). And the "reverse passing" of people like my dad who gets stopped in the airport because he looks like he might be Middle Eastern or Latino (or, you know, TV's Francis Capra). It's all complicated, and when fandom (or others) "whitewash" it's an annoying and rude and destructive but ultimately understandable impulse because complicated is scary.

And now I am going to sit back and daydream about my interracial inter-class genderqueer OTP and silently judge fandom.

[mimesere.livejournal.com]

Stupid world being all complex. Meh.

Yeah, no, I can't judge people on any flavor of passing because so much of it is wildly subjective both on the part of the passer and on the people who don't question it.

[annaalamode.livejournal.com]

You know what is not scary? Ben and Charlie's adorable (and tragically torn apart) hat stealing love!