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what I did to start the summer
May. 29th, 2006 05:09 pmPeople are being all meta-y and smart!
Meanwhile, I am going, "Whee, I just finished re-reading poorly written soft core Mary Sue porn that I paid (admittedly discounted) hardcover price for! AND I LIKED IT*!"
What's hilarious about this is that I would never in a million years read fanfic that was as poorly written and ill-conceived and full of mystical sex shenanigans. Well, okay, I would if it were entertaining enough. But um, look, I will just 'fess up here, I know that Laurell K Hamilton is a crazy Mary Sue-ing godawful writer of ill-conceived soft core porn, and for some reason, I just don't care. I don't care that I think she's got some lesbian issues**. I don't even care that her fashion aesthetic seems stuck in Hair Metal of the 80s (seriously, LKH? SERIOUSLY? You want to see people dressed like that?) and that she wants to have lots of sex with violent, yet pretty barbie dolls whose brightly colored hair she can brush and Bedazzle. I. Don't. Care. The Anita Blake books make me sad because they started out okay with guns and violence and sex and plot! And then she ended up like, someone who didn't do anything except crazy nymphomania (yeah, whatever, she's got the mad succubus issues) and like, blood-gushing violence. But she gives decent werewolf and it's worth sitting in Barnes and Noble for the hour or two it'll take to read the Good Parts Version of Anita Blake. I totally admit, I read for the violence, the tattered remnants of plot, and the Incredibly Hilarious and Highly Improbable Sex.
But the Merry Gentry books are like crack. They're terrible and terrible for me. And yet, I'm like, "WOOHOO, more candy-colored sexin'!" Also, sometimes I want to photoshop the guards because it'd be hilarious. They're like My Little Ponies, only with swords and violence. They're brightly colored and have long brushable hair! Their eyes look funky! They all have pouty irritating manpain***!" The Merry Gentry world in my head is cracktastic, I am telling you, and full of bad porn. And this is actually okay by me, since they were never anything *but* an excuse for man-candy and porn and at least there's the built-in fertility god excuse.
If I were stronger, I would stop giving her my money. I have managed to stop giving her money for Anita Blake, but if I stopped totally I would be missing out on so much! Brightly colored porn! Violence! Fountains of gushing blood! OH MY GOD, I JUST FIGURED OUT THE APPEAL.
The Merry Gentry books fit that same exact niche that Sci Fi Original Pictures do. So much is explained! They are like watching Mansquito or Cerberus or Manticore! Only with porn!
Also, have you SEEN her official website? It's...it's like every bad web design element come home to roost in one place! There's an ANIMATED FAIRY GIF which is clearly meant to be on a black background but it is on a patterned one instead and it's wonderfully godawful. I would not be surprised to see the dripping blood divider gif somewhere.
Hilaaaaaaaaarity and My Little Sidhe Warriors****.
Oh, and I vidded some.
*sadly, not in the way I usually like my soft core porn, but still. There was much hilarity and a high entertainment value. Plus, you know, for all the crapass poorly written Mary Sue soft core porniness of it, I like the characters and do not mind them gettin' their mystical sex on.
**It seems vaguely like she's getting over the lesbian-phobia. At least in the Merry Gentry books.
***Granted, I like the ones best who have the irritating manpain and are like, "I do not wish to speak of the unspeakable horrors visited upon me in my ninety bazillion years of being an immortal and heartbreakingly beautiful celibate sidhe warrior. Look at my hair, isn't it pretty?"
****The tragedy of LKH is that there's a decent writer and imagination buried under all that self-indulgence. She suffers from Anne Rice syndrome and that is sad. But many authors seem to suffer from this, hello Raymond Feist and RA Salvatore I AM TALKING TO YOU. Ray Feist, you CAN'T KEEP WRITING THE SAME GODDAMN STORY OVER AND OVER AND OVER AGAIN. IT'S REALLY FREAKING OBVIOUS.
Meanwhile, I am going, "Whee, I just finished re-reading poorly written soft core Mary Sue porn that I paid (admittedly discounted) hardcover price for! AND I LIKED IT*!"
What's hilarious about this is that I would never in a million years read fanfic that was as poorly written and ill-conceived and full of mystical sex shenanigans. Well, okay, I would if it were entertaining enough. But um, look, I will just 'fess up here, I know that Laurell K Hamilton is a crazy Mary Sue-ing godawful writer of ill-conceived soft core porn, and for some reason, I just don't care. I don't care that I think she's got some lesbian issues**. I don't even care that her fashion aesthetic seems stuck in Hair Metal of the 80s (seriously, LKH? SERIOUSLY? You want to see people dressed like that?) and that she wants to have lots of sex with violent, yet pretty barbie dolls whose brightly colored hair she can brush and Bedazzle. I. Don't. Care. The Anita Blake books make me sad because they started out okay with guns and violence and sex and plot! And then she ended up like, someone who didn't do anything except crazy nymphomania (yeah, whatever, she's got the mad succubus issues) and like, blood-gushing violence. But she gives decent werewolf and it's worth sitting in Barnes and Noble for the hour or two it'll take to read the Good Parts Version of Anita Blake. I totally admit, I read for the violence, the tattered remnants of plot, and the Incredibly Hilarious and Highly Improbable Sex.
But the Merry Gentry books are like crack. They're terrible and terrible for me. And yet, I'm like, "WOOHOO, more candy-colored sexin'!" Also, sometimes I want to photoshop the guards because it'd be hilarious. They're like My Little Ponies, only with swords and violence. They're brightly colored and have long brushable hair! Their eyes look funky! They all have pouty irritating manpain***!" The Merry Gentry world in my head is cracktastic, I am telling you, and full of bad porn. And this is actually okay by me, since they were never anything *but* an excuse for man-candy and porn and at least there's the built-in fertility god excuse.
If I were stronger, I would stop giving her my money. I have managed to stop giving her money for Anita Blake, but if I stopped totally I would be missing out on so much! Brightly colored porn! Violence! Fountains of gushing blood! OH MY GOD, I JUST FIGURED OUT THE APPEAL.
The Merry Gentry books fit that same exact niche that Sci Fi Original Pictures do. So much is explained! They are like watching Mansquito or Cerberus or Manticore! Only with porn!
Also, have you SEEN her official website? It's...it's like every bad web design element come home to roost in one place! There's an ANIMATED FAIRY GIF which is clearly meant to be on a black background but it is on a patterned one instead and it's wonderfully godawful. I would not be surprised to see the dripping blood divider gif somewhere.
Hilaaaaaaaaarity and My Little Sidhe Warriors****.
Oh, and I vidded some.
*sadly, not in the way I usually like my soft core porn, but still. There was much hilarity and a high entertainment value. Plus, you know, for all the crapass poorly written Mary Sue soft core porniness of it, I like the characters and do not mind them gettin' their mystical sex on.
**It seems vaguely like she's getting over the lesbian-phobia. At least in the Merry Gentry books.
***Granted, I like the ones best who have the irritating manpain and are like, "I do not wish to speak of the unspeakable horrors visited upon me in my ninety bazillion years of being an immortal and heartbreakingly beautiful celibate sidhe warrior. Look at my hair, isn't it pretty?"
****The tragedy of LKH is that there's a decent writer and imagination buried under all that self-indulgence. She suffers from Anne Rice syndrome and that is sad. But many authors seem to suffer from this, hello Raymond Feist and RA Salvatore I AM TALKING TO YOU. Ray Feist, you CAN'T KEEP WRITING THE SAME GODDAMN STORY OVER AND OVER AND OVER AGAIN. IT'S REALLY FREAKING OBVIOUS.