mimesere

so, I keep getting into this argument with people* when I say, "I am a Superman fan," because INVARIABLY the response is, "Oh, I like Batman more. Superman's boring."

To which my response is, INVARIABLY, "Yeah, well, at least Superman didn't come up with lethal ways to kill all his friends or launch a spy satellite to track metahuman everything across the globe and then lose control of it or, oh yeah, BE A COMPLETE ASSHOLE."

And then the response is like, "Superman gave him the kryptonite!" and I'm all, "Yes, because SUPERMAN'S NOT AN ASSHOLE." And then they're all, "But what if superheroes go bad?"

And then I kind of flail at them and make this sound like a demented tea kettle and be all, "HE WON'T KILL A VILLAIN, BUT HE CAME UP WITH A PLAN TO LIGHT THE MARTIAN MANHUNTER ON FIRE."

And then they're all, "But what if heroes go bad? You have to have a way to take them out!" and I'm all, "What, Mr. I'm the goddamn Batman A Super Genius won't kill a villain like the goddamn Joker or the ninety million nutjob psycho killers he puts away and who keep escaping but he really, seriously, couldn't come up with a plan better than 'induce a grand mal seizure in the Flash at superspeeds!' and 'have Wondy fight someone until her heart gives out!' and 'let's just fuck with GL's head such that he BELIEVES HE IS BLIND' or 'hey, you know what sounds like fun good times? LIGHTING THE MARTIAN MANHUNTER ON FIRE' or 'let me just render Superman's skin invisible so he's tormented by the sun! AWESOME!'"

Look. I wouldn't care about it if Batman, you know, killed some villains because it was expedient. But you don't get to tell me that the ONLY POSSIBLE WAY he could come up with incapacitating his FRIENDS is to kill them and have me like the man. Like, okay, seriously, Batman killing Superman via kryptonite? Gets a pass from me because Superman set that up. He gave Bats the kryptonite himself. But the rest of them didn't. And while I'm totally all for having the contingency plans in place, you don't get to make them lethal, spy on all the metahumans IN THE WORLD, and then be a dick about your own privacy or when people call you on your bullshit or when Wondy kills a dude because he had, you know, hypnotized Superman.

I mean, there are loads of other reasons I dislike him, but that's the main one. You all know how I feel about people being hypocrites and he hits that button *hard* for me.

So there it is. For posterity.

*for the record, I have been told that people pick this fight with me at work because it makes them laugh. In retaliation, I like to bring up how Hal Jordan killed the entire Lantern Corps.

eta: also for the record, I also don't like any of the Robins. Basically, the Batfamily (minus Alfred, the Birds/the Gordons, Lucius Fox, and the members of the GCPD) doesn't do a whole lot for me. Though, I'll be totally fair and also admit I'm not a big huge fan of Kon or most of the other Teen Titans. I do passionately love the Wonder family and the Arrows and Wally West. Oooh, and Blue Beetle. Both of them.

Electric Blue Supes (a.k.a. VILE PRETENDER[1]): "I worry because everyone seems to look up to me and it's making me a little uncomfortable. I can try but I can't solve every problem. I don't know if I can live up to this...myth they want me to be. How does Batman manage to make his own rules?"

Flash (v. Wally West): "By being cold and hard to know. You're *Superman*; you couldn't act like that if you rehearsed. And the *real* issue is that no matter how you feel or who you think you are, most people just can't see past that 'S' and what it represents. Including you."

--JLA v3 #006.

*

Also, I love that in Diana's Dream World O' Distraction, she and Steve Trevor are running around fighting zombie Nazis. SMASH THEM GOOD, DIANA!

[1] He may be a VILE PRETENDER but apparently, you slap that S on the guy and he steps up when he needs to.

A) fox1013, reportage on the knee = I bruised it all to fuck and back and that it will be wonky for a while and to ice it if it starts being *really* wonky.

B) My nephew has taken my wee action figures and posed them in a remarkably perverse way[1]. I can't decide whether I am amused or appalled.

C) My nephew and I are watching "A Better World" because he wanted to know why Superman was wearing a white cape. This has led to conversations like:

My nephew: What did Superman just do to Lex?
Me: He killed him.
My nephew: ...that's not *super*.
Me: No. Killing people is bad. That's why the heroes try not to do it.
My nephew: So the killing makes him bad?
Me: Well, the fascism makes them bad.
My nephew: What's fascism?

Oh, Justice Lord Wondy, you are SO HOT. Um, anyway. AHAHAHA. "...Uh oh." Oh, Shayera, you are the *best*. Justice Lord Supes, you are so hot I almost forgive your being a complete crazyperson.

Heee. "I think he likes you."

D) I have finally discovered a former sidekick other than Wally that doesn't annoy me! Y'all, I *really* like Roy Harper and his himbo-ness. Also, Grace and Anissa are rockin'. And I have also discovered that Nightwing is much like Wesley in that when he's being bitchily gay with someone awesome (Roy), I like him fine. At all other times, the manpain crosses that line from tolerable into OH MY GOD JUST STFU[2, 3]. Roy, otoh, can get down with Grace all day long and I would not be displeased. Grace also won my heart by being all, "Dude, your dad had a *kickin'* afro," to Anissa. I now also approve of Helena/Roy. It may make Dinah pissy, but really, Helena is not made of stone and Roy is adorable. All right thinking people should want to have sex with Roy.

E) Also, I really could not love Wally more. Both in his animated incarnation and in his comics version. I *love* Wally. I love that in...whatever thing I was reading, ElectricBlue!Supes (VILE PRETENDER!) was like, "Wally was sometimes the most level-headed person in the world, but then Kyle would call and it just..." and it *cracked me up*, because um, apparently I have a thing for Wallys Flashes and Green Lanterns being bratty at each other[4]. Who knew? Anyway, I love Wally. This brings me to:

F) WOW, I love Wally in the Justice League Elite book. I'm iffy on the rest of it, even the knockoff Jenny Sparks (and now I want Jenny Sparks to have lots of crazy energetic sex with Roy, hi, hi, Roy I love you), though the Muslim intelligence guy was *awesome*. Also? Wally is really amazingly hot in the stylish black outfit of asskickingness. Anyway. Wally = WIN[5].

G) This is an awesome post. AWESOME.

H) I forget what H was for.

I) Someone tell me that Batman got his ass kicked by *someone* post-OMAC Project. Anyone. Because he totally and completely deserved it. Ass[6].

1) Okay, as near as I can figure, Justice Lord Supes is on the bottom, Justice Lord Bats is...sitting on his head, Justice League Flash has rather acrobatically er, got his knees hooked over Bats' shoulders and is arching backwards while Justice Lord Wonder Woman straddles him. I...had nothing to do with it, I *swear*.

2) Seriously. Wesley's appeal was greatest for me during the halcyon days of him being bitchily gay with Gunn. And being Cordelia's gay best friend. Oooh, and also when he was dating Virginia. Because I love Virginia. And then when he was bitchily straight with Lilah. I lost all interest when he became Mr. Crazy Manpaincakes. Crazy I can do and do happily, but the angst was just...no.

3) Nightwing could potentially drown in the symbolic lake of his pain.

4) Barry Allen and Hal Jordan were also full of wacky hijinks and thus I forgive Hal Jordan for being, well, Hal Jordan, but only when he is with Barry.

5) Did I mention I love Wally?

6) I think I will always hate comics!Batman just a little bit for devising the Let's Light J'onn on Fire plan and *especially* for the Let's Shoot Wally with a Bullet That Induces Epileptic Seizures plan. Yeah, see, you totally don't get to devise lethal ways of taking out people you call your teammates without just being a *dick*. Non-lethal? Sure, I'm on board. But um, no. Dick.

I HAVE JUSTICE LORD ACTION FIGURES!

They are wee and adorable and Justice Lord!Wondy looks like she wants to choke a bitch! *poses her with Justice League!Flash* Also, hot. Way hot. Hi, I am totally one of those people who vastly prefers my superheroes of all persuasions to wear practical clothing (okay, except for capes, 'cause those fuckers are *stylin'*) that, er, leaves *something* to the imagination.

Oh, Justice Lords. You are the best fascists *ever*.

*surreptitiously makes Justice Lord!Supes grope Justice Lord!Bats*

...it would be overkill to go buy the Lexiac Nano Justice Lords, right? That version of Supes and Bats comes with a *Hawkgirl*. Though not a mace. And not as Shayera. Decisions are hard!

ETA: ( LaT! The picture I promised! )

by how well Leatherwing and PotC fit together.

DAMN YOU GLOSS!

ETA: ...sometimes I am dumb. I am not going to say on which page it finally hit me that Alfredo = Alfred. Let's just say it wasn't page 1. *facepalm*

ETA2: Wow, Bruce, John, and Diana are SUPER HOT as cowboys. Cranky, snarky cowboys.

Oh, this can go noplace good.

ETA3: AHAHAHAHA. Twangy JLU theme!

ETA4: I totally identified Batmanuel (Nestor Carbonell) as not!Zorro, but somehow I did not identify Ben Browder as Bat Lash.

Awwww, *Lois*. I love her! She is made of win!

Lois: "I'm sitting on the hottest story of the year-- BATMAN UNMASKED! -- and I can't do a blessed thing about it."
Bruce: "You really do love me."

Also, wow, that totally set up one of Lois' birthday presents as being a hot threesome between her, Clark, and Bruce. 'Cause, okay. Bruce is shirtless in this scene and Superman is kickin' it out on the balcony and:

Bruce: "It's ironic, you know. She likes Bruce Wayne and she likes Superman. It's the other two guys she's not crazy about."
Superman: "Too bad we can't mix and match." *little smile*
Bruce: *smirky, considering look*

Dude, they're totally bonding over Lois being overprotective yet understanding.

So cute! Dana Delaney's Lois is made of awesome!

Um. Because I am a nerd.

( one's a cranky misanthrope detective with a fetish for bats! The other is a well-adjusted godlike alien who loves primary colors! together, they fight crime! )

mimesere: "You know how some babies are found in baskets?" *gestures at spaceship* "This is how we found you."
rockstarfoxlet: I bet for years, Clark thought all babies came from spaceships.

Oh, *Lois*.

Clark: "Have you ever been to Kansas?"
Lois: "*God* no."

Oh, *Clark*. Bestest ever!

Lois: "What'd you get?"
Clark: "A shared byline, if you use it."

ETA: Why does Jimmy have a bouffant?

Martha: "It wouldn't be bad if people knew a little bit more about Superman. I wouldn't want anyone thinking you're like that nut in Gotham City."

Ahahahaha! Batman was snarky like five times in his first three lines! And Alfred is a joy. As is Commissioner Gordon. I had *forgotten* how much I love this show.

ETA: Oh, *Alfred*. You really are the best. And Bats is downright chipper.

ETA2: Also? It is no wonder that Barbara Gordon turned out as awesome as she did if Jim Gordon is her dad. I'm just sayin'.

...huh. That was *Ioan*?

Also, hilarity is Cowboy Guy and Vixen in the same episode (Nathan Fillion and Gina Torres). And Flash continues to be love.