The tragedy, she said, was that she didn't.

[mimesere]

My sister is back in the hospital. There are many things that can be said about this, most of which I am not going to say, but I would like to say the following:

1) When I die, I would like for it to be very very fast.

2) In the event that this is not the case, I um. Am pretty sure I will find a way to make it fast. Because...no.

3) Never, ever get written off by UCI Medical Center. Because if you are, they will really write you off and say INCREDIBLY STUPID THINGS TO YOUR MOM like, "Should I hook up the oxygen? Because she's really not going to need it if she's dying." My personal favorite is, "Oh, I thought we told you there's nothing more we can do." OMGWTF. WAY TO GO, ASSHOLES. I HOPE YOU GET SYPHILIS AND DIE.

What my family was hoping for in this particular round of Us vs The Hospital was not, in fact, for them to do *more*. We wanted them to make her stop throwing up. Failing this, we were hoping for another prescription of the Hideously Expensive Yet Awesome Prescription Meds that *did* stop making her throw up. This was five days ago. According to my mother who is, admittedly, not the most reliable of sources, when they send her back home (which I think they are doing tomorrow), it will be *without* the order for TPN. Or whatever the stuff in that bag is. Why? Because, again according to my mom, they would rather not feed her at all than to feed the tumor. Well, you know what, dickweeds? I'm sure that makes sense in some fucked up version of the world, but in the world I am living in where "there's nothing more [you] can do," I would rather not have my sister STARVE TO DEATH IN MY HOUSE, OKAY? You cannot have it both ways! You cannot tell me there is nothing more you can do and then turn around and say you don't want to provide nutritious whatever the fuck to my sister because it is feeding the tumor too. She's already dying, fuckers, at least let her die in relative fucking comfort.

Whatever for you, healthcare industry, you suck.

*

The Evil Company I work for has become even more evil than previously imagined. I've been working part time all this week (30 instead of 40 hours) which is fine and awesome. What is not fine and awesome is that I am working for another five days straight (full time), with a day off, and then back for another day for my interview for The Position That Can't Possibly Be Worth All This BS and followup training on the new e-learning platform for new-hire training for *next year*. Why do I have to do this? Because they are assholes who can't be buggered to remember the Schedule of Crap They Signed Me Up To Do. Oh, and they are closing down the department I am in to make us do another project. Also my current work buddy, the Wrong Wrong Hawaiian Guy, is moving back to Hawaii in a few weeks, which will leave me the sole member of the training department. Right up until they put me with my competitor for The Position That Can't Possibly Be Worth All This BS.

But mostly I am bitter because of the working 10 days straight with only one day off next week. If it were overtime I'd volunteered for, I'd be okay, but it is not. It is evil asshatted scheduling fuckups and I hate them.

Fuck this noise. Evil Company, you suck.

*

Oh, also, my brakes are shot, my eye is twitching, my hair is falling out by the fucking handful, I washed my car yesterday and it rained today, my knee is still fucked up from falling months ago, and my cough has gotten no better.

I hate you, world. You are made of suck.

Comments

[ngaio]

there is absolutely nothing i can say which will make any of this crapness better for you, but you're in my thoughts and prayers and i'm sure i'm not the only one

[softplaces.livejournal.com]

Goddamn, that's horrible. But <3, and I hope it gets better for you soon, everything in general and in particular.

[oh-mumble.livejournal.com]

Oh, baby. Thinking of you, and mentally sending you giant hugs.

[tieleen.livejournal.com]

For whatever good the Well Wishes and Good Thoughts of strangers can do... you have mine.

[buddleia.livejournal.com]

Well, fuck.
Thinking of you, dollface. Look after yourself some, ok?

[ebonbird.livejournal.com]

*hugs*

I hate that they're trying to bury her before she's gone. I'm sorry that your job is ass, your brakes are shot, and the stress is so bad your body is fraying.

*hugs*

[cosmic.livejournal.com]

You have my well wishes and good thoughts, as well. I'm sorry the world sucks for you right now. *leaves hugs and cookies*

[flyingtapes.livejournal.com]

Man, Sheila, I'm so sorry. I hope things pass by with more comfort in the coming weeks.

[j-crew-guy.livejournal.com]

*hugs you lots*

*growls at the world*

[calligrafiti.livejournal.com]

A lot of healthcare policies are full of shit. They're designed around the disease or condition and not the person who has them. When my Mom was dying of ovarian cancer and throwing up every damn thing she tried to choke down—including her antinausea— I had to go through six different people before I could convince anyone to try giving the frantically vomiting woman antinausea meds that weren't orally administered. Such total fuckheads.

I hope you can slap some sense into someone who has the ability to make your sister more comfortable. And I hope you can find some way to give yourself a break, too. Because, as I'm sure you've seen, this constant stress and tension can consume your life.

Much strength to you and yours.

[fox1013.livejournal.com]

I love you quite a lot.

[claire.livejournal.com]

{{{hugs}}}

[fearlesstemp.livejournal.com]

I'm so sorry. My thoughts and prayers are with you and your family.

[laurashapiro.livejournal.com]

It all sounds so awful, honey. {{{S}}} I'm so sorry.

[donella.livejournal.com]

*hugs*

[cesario.livejournal.com]

*loves you*

[wemblee.livejournal.com]

God, I just don't know what to say. I'm so sorry about your sister. Fuck UCI, what a bunch of heartless, braindead shitstains.

I'm so, so sorry, and I wish I knew what to say. It's not right and it's not fair. {{{{ }}}}}

[thefourthvine.livejournal.com]

I'm sorry. Not a lot else to say, but I am. But I do have some advice, if you want it.

My father died earlier this year of brain cancer, and the final four months were, yes, unspeakably terrible, but made inestimably better by the in-home hospice we used. Hospices can typically write prescriptions for painkillers and anti-emetics and the like, and the primary goal of a hospice is to make dying easier. I know that sounds awful, but - with cancer, there's a hideous period of time between "nothing more we can do" and the actual death, and the hospice folks made sure my father had every palliative in the world, including very likely the same drug your sister isn't getting. At my father's request, we stopped administering food when he couldn't eat anymore, so no bag feeding for him, but they made sure he stayed hydrated, almost pain-free, and as comfortable as he could be until he died.

And they came to the house to do all this, because they know full well that transporting a terminally ill person to a hospital is a) incredibly difficult and b) not just pointless, but worse than useless; hospital staff often don't like seeing patients they can't do anything for.

And your sister definitely qualifies for in-home hospice care. It's really worth looking into, and if you need or want any more information about it, feel free to ask me via email or whatever.

[auroramama]

Even good hospitals may not talk much about hospice care, so it's worth asking about. Hospice people really know about making people comfortable, and the contrast with hospital staff (again, even at a very good hospital) was dramatic. I hope there's no reason you can't get hospice care for your sister.