you don't have to go home, but you can't stay here

[mimesere]

So, gafiating is not working in that way where all this me-time is mostly just giving me...me-time. I don't *like* me-time. I don't like being alone in my own head with nothing serving to distract me. Possibly this is indicative of things that would be better solved with, like, professional help or something but I really, truly do not like um. Navel-gazing. And waiting. Waiting is the *worst*. I am uncomfortable in my head and in my skin and there is this awful heavy feeling in my stomach that is not dread so much as it is an absolute knowledge that I am going to be rendered useless and purposeless and without the ability to do anything to help anyone.

I don't like being action-less. It makes me feel twitchy and not needed and replaceable and forgettable. I *am* replaceable and easy to dismiss, but that does not make me *like* it. Rargh.


Um. So, how do I go about finding competent and non-skeevy hospice care? Alternately, does anyone know anything about Vitas as an..."innovative hospice care" provider? They are discharging my sister from the hospital because there's nothing they can do for her now and my family is just...not equipped to deal with this.

Also, I suspect I will be moving soon because my mom is freaking out and crying and says she cannot live here anymore. Which, you know, is fair, as this house has not been the scene of Good Times. I don't know. Things are very much up in the air. Maybe she will pack us up and move to Vegas like she has been threatening for a while.

And, in a totally characteristic move, the position that my company is requisitioning for me has six other applicants, none of whom have experience, and who I will now have to *compete* against in a Demonstration of My Mad Training Skillz and the subsequent Interview Panel From Hell. Goddammit all to fuck. And I have to spend tomorrow being charming at government employees who have heard about our awesome (and as much as I rag on my workplace, it really is *awesome* for this) Pathways to Independence program for the visually impaired and the life-rehabilitated and are interested in picking our tasty training brains. On the one hand, yay! Networking! On the other hand, boo! Networking in an industry I have very little interest in! I should have just quit while the quitting was good. Stupid benefits and their seductive comfort.

I had yummy salad today, though. But Souplantation has removed their spinach until the whole diseased spinach thing has passed. This makes me sad as the only type of salad I truly love is made with spinach. Woe. They did have truly *awesome* black bean and chorizo soup, though. Also, I have a happy mix of jazzy swing type music and a Roy mix of um, other types of music which are also good and that makes me happy. Woo. Whiplash 180.

You are all watching Heroes, right? (heroestv and heroesfic, because yes, fox1013 and I obeyed when Jeph Loeb said "Pimp this show!" at Comic Con). Characters of color! Interesting women! Impending apocalypses! People who can fly! People who are indestructible! People who learn their physics from reading X-Men! PEOPLE OF COLOR WHO ARE AWESOME. BOTH GENDERS! MULTIPLE ETHNICITIES! AWESOME! The Grunberg! Leonard Roberts! Ali Larter! Um. I have much love. Clearly.

McDreamy is still a dick who should be eaten by a rabid hyena. Everyone else = Made Entirely of Win.

I'm going to go now. Yes.

Comments

[jennyo.livejournal.com]

You would make better money in Vegas. Your CS background? You could do reservations on your hours, make insane benefits, I bet UNLV would graduate you in a summer session, and then freedom. Which is to say, if she does it, plot out a one-year escape plan that would give you a BA, financial cushioning, and so on.

Though it would just make me want to go to Vegas after Korea.

Maybe some kind of phone play-date tomorrow? You've seen when I'm on; I could go hang out outside and phone you during lunch.

[mimesere.livejournal.com]

Honestly, I think Vegas is the best option we have right now. It's cheaper than OC like whoa and I do have the mad hospitality fake sincerity skills. And my mom has friends there, so maybe she would go out more. I dunno.

And phonage would be awesome.

[jennyo.livejournal.com]

Vegas is most definitely not a bad option -- Anji's roommates, one of whom has storytimes that start, "Well, this one guy I met on adultfriendfinder.com" manage to do well on reservations money, so a pro like you would bring in bank, I think.

It's not Southern California, but UNLV would probably give you a BA for what you have plus, "Interior Designs of Alaska." So you'd have that, and the money you could put together in a year in Vegas would mean you could go where you want, and you could probably take courses in film editing that means when you came back to SoCal, you would be able to take the lower-budget jobs. Plus, there are apparently student films to be worked with in LV, too.

Fortunately I still have your phone number; I suspect I don't have Amy's. But international calling, y'know, just ain't as free as Verizon IN. Darn that all to heck.

[buddleia.livejournal.com]

*makes Heroes download plans*
*picks you up and hugs you*
I could, you know. I am big and strong and I give the best hugs. I'm sorry I can't be even slightly more practical.

[mimesere.livejournal.com]

*hugs you lots and lots* You are awesome and womderful and I believe utterly that you give the best hugs. Also, you send the bestest presents. I am *loving* the book, darling. Thank you so, so, so much.

[buddleia.livejournal.com]

You got it! Hooray!

Vitas

[sliad89.livejournal.com]

I'm a hospital SW in Pittsburgh. We have Vitas out here and I have been very happy with my interactions with their staff and the care they provide for my patients. I realize I'm a complete stranger, but I do have a lot of experience with hospice and the associated issues. If you have any questions, please feel free to e-mail sesmith89@gmail.com.

Re: Vitas

[mimesere.livejournal.com]

Thank you! This goes a way toward making me feel better.

[laurashapiro.livejournal.com]

I'm sorry to say I know nothing about hospice care, but I am not at all sorry to say that I love you and I'm here if you need me. I'm chattable, even.

Maybe if your family moves, it's time to get your own place?

::cuddles you up::

[mimesere.livejournal.com]

*snuggles* I don't think I could, in good conscience, leave my mom like that. If we had other family nearby, I could because she'd have someone to help her, but all of our family lives here. It's all very annoying.

You, however, are awesome and wonderful.

[laurashapiro.livejournal.com]

You have much more filial piety than I would in your situation. I have to respect that.

And thank you. {{{S}}}

[rawumber.livejournal.com]

There should be a SW at the hospital that should be able to give you all the neighboring hospices, as well as insurancey info. The challenge can be finding beds but. They do open up all the time.

HUGS hon, want to do something Sunday to get away from everything? Pancakes and books?

[mimesere.livejournal.com]

Thank you, darling. I will let my mom know about that.

And I wish I could get away, but I'd feel horribly guilty about it. Woe.

[rawumber.livejournal.com]

Company at th hospital? Or no, you said they checked her out?