spiderman 3; stupid boys

[mimesere]

Re: Spiderman 3 -- Wow, that was BAD. That made X3 look like high fucking cinema. Like, at no point should the audience be reduced to the following:
a) helpless laughter
b) going, "*cough*whore*cough*" Look, I'm sorry, but even I was going, "What the fuck, you hypocritical bitch?" when MJ was macking on Harry.
c) a woman saying, "HIT HER AGAIN!" when MJ gets clocked in the face. Followed immediately by, "What? I hate that bitch."
d) more helpless laughter
e) constant comments like, "Oh, I bet this is where he cuts!" and "This soundtrack should totally be all My Chemical Romance and Hinder." "No, no, My Chemical Romance is too good for this movie." and "GOD DAMN, HE HAS EMO HAIR."
f) "Is he crying?" "I...yes?" "SPIDERMAN IS CRYING?"
g) repeating the above about five times at various points in the movie
h) The villains were stupid *and* emo. Yes, I am using emo in the perjorative sense.
i) during the RANDOM ASS DANCE SCENE STRAIGHT OUT OF A LIFE LESS ORDINARY: "...what the *fuck*, Sam Raimi?"

I just. It was a bad movie, y'all. It was a bad movie with bad dialogue and bad acting (oh my *god* the bad acting) and a bad script and just. It was bad. It wasn't even bad like Daredevil, which honestly tried and just failed. This was just a bad, bad movie. At one point I leaned over to Boy I Am Not Dating and said, "Even Venom cannot save this movie," and lo, it was true. Venom was also bad. Just. No. It wasn't even entertaining. Like, honestly? It was about as bad (or worse) as Minotaur and that's the only Sci Fi Original Movie that was SO BAD Amy and I turned it off before the monster showed up. Movie with the purple paraplegic zombie princess? AWESOME. Spiderman 3? OMG BAD.

I feel the need to watch Batman Begins/Superman Returns again to get the bad taste out of my head.


Re: STUPID BOYS -- Boy I Am Not Dating just asked me to date him.

GODDAMMIT.

*sulks*

ETA: other things I did - go to Amoeba Records and look for Patrick Stump buy Sounds of Superman. Because you know what's awesome? An entire cd of nothing but songs about Superman.

Comments

[hesychasm]

OH THANK GOD YOU HATED IT TOO. I've been clicking through my friendsfriends and there are actually people who thought it was really really good and I'm like, the hell? am I going insane?? At least ONTD's got a great thread full of haters, and now there is you, and so that restores some balance to my universe.

One ther thing I'd forgotten I hated and that thread reminded me of: WTF was with Harry's butler/Alfred-wannabe ALL OF A SUDDEN telling him that his father killed himself? Like, hello, wouldn't that information have been useful about TWO MOVIES AGO?!

Arrrrrgh I'm so fucking pissed I didn't just walk out when the stupid dance routine started so I could get my goddamn money back.

[mimesere.livejournal.com]

It was SO BAD. Like. I can't even wrap my head around how bad it was.

Why was Gwen Stacy in that movie? Why was there a dance scene? Why did they show symbiote!Peter was kind of a dick THROUGH HIS BANGS? Why couldn't Toby Maguire *stop smirking*? Why was that movie *made*?

The high points of the movie for me were: Stan Lee, Bruce Campbell, Ted Raimi, and Hey I've Got Amnesia!Harry, who was so adorable and happy and like, "Woo I got money! I'ma paint a crappy picture! And make omelettes!"

AND OH GOD, I KNOW. WTF ghetto!Alfred? How about you bust that news out when you learn the young master is FUCKING AROUND WITH THAT GREEN GOBLIN STUFF?

Just. SO BAD.

[jennyo.livejournal.com]

And his bangs were greasy! I was like, "WASH YOUR FUCKING HAIR, PETER!" the whole time.

I did like Amnesia!Harry, and the OT3 of love at the end, I must admit.

[alixnoorchis.livejournal.com]

I just happened to get here through friendsfriends and I leaned over and said the same exact thing in the movies. "You don't think that information would have been useful before Harry became psychotic? Or at least before the hideous scarring?

[jennyo.livejournal.com]

Tobey Maguire's "I want to be Peter Petrelli, not Peter Parker" hair of emo sucked so bad.

It made me love Peter from Heroes, that's how bad this movie was. Because Peter from Heroes wouldn't have pulled this shit!

[mimesere.livejournal.com]

SO BAD.

[viggorlijah.livejournal.com]

it was TERRIBLE! It was like they all signed the contracts and said well, we're getting paid anyway, so what the hell.

IDIOTIC! STUPID! DUMB!

Except, really Toby Maguire making little gun fingers at women looking at him with undisguised disgust. Hee.

I mean, really, if you're going to waste all that cash on a giant crappy movie, then just go and throw in some great THREESOME scenes of sexsexsex between Harry, MJ and Peter.

Because that's the only thing that might've said that damn film.

[mimesere.livejournal.com]

The love between Harry, MJ and Peter was strong to quite strong.

Oh, Amnesia!Harry. You deserved a better movie.

[kidchyron.livejournal.com]

Hm. I suspected Spidey 3 would piss me off, so I chose to give it a pass. It's good to have confirmation that my choice was correct. I know from the last two movies that the way they've fucked with my boy Spidey makes me grr-arrgh with rage.

And hey, boys are not stupid, we are just helpless before your being made entirely of awesome and win. I speak from experience. ^_~

[mimesere.livejournal.com]

It wasn't even that they did bad things with the characters so much as the movie was just...terrible.

Boys. Hmmph.

[annaalamode.livejournal.com]

Boy I Am Not Dating just asked me to date him.

AHAHAHAHAHAHA!

Yeah, I suck at being supportive. Sorry!

[mimesere.livejournal.com]

*thpbt* Meanie.

I am actually a little distressed by this development! Because *dammit*. *sulks some more*

[strangemuses.livejournal.com]

Wasn't it dreadful? I now understand why Tobey Maguire looked so embarrassed and uncomfortable to even talk about this piece of crap on the Letterman show the other night.

[mimesere.livejournal.com]

It was incredibly dreadful. Like, at least with X3 and Daredevil, I could sort of see where it all went wrong and where it could have been good. But with Spiderman 3, there was just...I don't know where it *could* have gone right.

[strangemuses.livejournal.com]

They could have started by not having so many villains. The movie should have had one actual villain (Venom), and one secondary villain (Sandman) to push the plot along. The entire sub-plot with Harry Osborn should have been jettisoned. It didn't add anything of actual value to the story and it just muddled things needlessly. I say that reluctantly because I like the character and the actor both quite a bit, but that's not enough justification to include him in the movie.

They also should have dropped the entire so-called sub-plot with Gwen Stacy, or else really explored it. A string of scenes showing two characters together does not constitute an actual sub-plot. I think that the writers simply chickened out. They wanted to show that Peter was *capable* of being a jerk, but not actually deal with the repercussions of it on either of the woman that he emotionally abused in this story (MJ and Gwen).

The real story here was that Peter Parker wanted to marry MJ but wasn't yet ready. He wasn't mature enough. He was too enamored of his own flashy Spiderman persona, and too much in love with the public acclaim and adoration. His ego would be his downfall personally (with MJ) and as Spiderman (with Venom). Venom thrived on all of Peter's worst faults, so Venom should have been the primary villain of the piece, not just a flashy after-thought.

I would have made Peter's battle with Venom the focus of the movie, and I would have made the entire story far more serious and dark. But then, that would probably have put off a lot of the audience, who expect Spiderman movies to be all 'feel-good' and sweet. In my version, Peter would have become infected by Venom virtually at the start of the film (not...what? 20+ minutes into it?). They should then have shown us progressively how Venom was affecting Peter's personal life (by causing him to reject MJ, seduce Gwen, humiliate Brock, etc) and his Spiderman life (by causing him to become increasingly more violent as he tracks down the Sandman). He should have pulverized the dickens out of the Sandman but then been so personally revolted by what he'd done that he frees himself from Venom...only to have to face it again when Brock willingly (not accidentally) becomes Venom. Then Peter/Spiderman would have had to face off essentially against a mirror of his own darkside by battling Brock/Venom. He'd win, of course, because he's Spiderman, and he's a good man. Then he could have gone back to MJ at the end, chastened but more mature, and apologize for being an immature asshat and ask for her forgiveness, and for a second chance. Then MJ could have accepted his apology and they could have actually verbally affirmed their love for each other at the end.

Instead, we had Peter Parker never actually say, "I'm sorry that I was being such a complete arrogant, immature jerk." And we never got to see MJ decide to forgive him, or tell him that she forgives him. They just had Peter show up and start dancing with her in the bar as a substitute for an apology, which was (IMO) a cowardly, immature thing for the writers to do, all things considered. Argh, but this movie made me so mad! It was bad on so many levels!

[pierydys.livejournal.com]

Oh, cripes. I was dreading that might happen. And we have tickets for the IMAX on Sunday. Just what I need, 2 hours of staring at a building-high screen of head-to-wall badness. Just answer me this: better or worse than Highlander Endgame? ;-)

[mimesere.livejournal.com]

Equally bad, but in a different way.

Highlander: Endgame was very earnest. Bad, but earnest. Spiderman 3...well, you remember Killer Tongue? It is bad like that, except it doesn't know it is bad like that.